I have all these papers stacked around my room, small collections of memories. I have a sealed letter of recommendation on my dresser… I’m waiting to read it someday when I’m really down. There is little to nothing tangible of the memories that haunt me.
It’s been really horrible lately. I am having a hard time to get out of bed. I missed almost all last week of school. I hold things inside so long until I think I’m going to burst. I did not let it be okay to miss him. I did not let myself have pity for neither him nor I. My views of him are so skewed. I don’t know who he is anymore…Maybe he is everything she claims and I’m still only blinded. Maybe these emotions are only product of his game. No matter what I know I’m tired of crying secretly at night and smiling all day.
My knees are getting weak. And everyday is just a constant battle. I fear that if anyone looked at me for long I would break down then and there, confessing my love and confusion and sins. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m desperately trying to cover it with textiles.